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contemplating on the meaning of life...

if you have read this far, well done. I know a lot of people would turn away and find it laughable but i find it incredibly interesting. and laugh if you must, but I think I've found it. No there were no revelations or me running through the streets naked in some sort of Archimedes-esque epiphany. no, i found the meaning of life quite boring come to think of it. you see, I think there is no meaning of life. theists turn away now but imo, there is no god. we're just a bunch of atoms or strings or whatever that interact in different ways to form movement and conciousness brought together by a string of events that were just right for these circumstances to happen. so basically we're just objects like a ball or a house or something. so we can do whatever we want with nothing to fulfil. therefore we can enjoy it as much as we want and i believe thats a good thing. so just chill out :) just make yourself as happy as possible and have a good life

the thrill of the chase

Those of you who know me know I love cycling. god i think most of you are probably sick of hearing me talking about it, but you prbably didnt know what it felt like for me, how good it feels. just why i cycle. well ill tell you now.

firstly, its a thrill. constantly at the peak of you concentraition, searching for the next corner. wondering; hoping that you'll make it round. especially in mountain biking where the variation of terrain is immense and you're constantly in transition. you're living on the edge when you're cycling, thats why I love it.

secondly its the departure. cycling takes me to so many different places. last year i cycled from john o groats to lands end. this resulted in enough memories to last a lifetime. dartmoor, the highlands, the lake district; so many amazing places that id never see if I didn't cycle.

finally and probably most importantly, its the didstraction. the world we live in is a shit place. no other way of saying it. yes, cyling and racing hurts. im not going to lie. but through the pain and the focus and the concentration comes a bubble which descends over me. and the world doesn't exist. the most important thing to me when i'm in a race is just getting to the finish line in the fastest time possible. thats why i cycle. to get away from the world

Me.

most of the time i act stupid. so much so that people assume it as my personality. i only know it as a facade. in peson to peson interaciton i cant seem to move away from it though. even i dont know why myself so sorry i cant begin to explain to you. maybe its because my social skills are incredibly poor. maybe im bipolar. for whatever reason i will communicate with you and it will be me. no facades or perception filters or clever disguises, just me